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God save us from all fixers (if not from the fixes we’re in!)

10 Jun

Sometimes, when I compose an email in response to human need, I discover I just wrote a wee post.no-fixers

To a sister, a friend.
Stuck, tired, weary
of God’s little helpers trying to fix her through prayer.

Facing a situation that refuses to change, a heart that refuses to budge.
To anyone finding themselves in such a place.
My response.

I know precisely what you speak of.

I haven’t borne the same kind of burden, nor nearly so long,
but I know this.
I also encounter it all the time in people who show up
at my door and window
most recently in a man with terminal brain cancer in a six month countdown.
He’s been soaked and soaked and soaked with prayer
(to death!).
He sings our songs,
hears our sermons
and our promises,
and in his thirty years of walking out this Christian thing
he’s never heard God
once,
and clearly
God is not listening to him now.
So I just listened.
I told him we have an unbalanced prayer and worship rhythm
in our public and private life,
one focusing on
victory and
power and
hope
seen through a grid of
circumstances that change,
hearts that bend,
bodies that heal,
pain that skedaddles.
We don’t know how
to suffer with others in silence,
to moan the words of Lamentations,
shout the complaints of Job, or
groan the cynicism of Ecclesiastes.
And then I gave him a ride home.
He said it helped.
I told him I want to be space for him whenever he needs it.
God save us all from fixers, God bless ’em.
I love you, Frank D Fixer. Just stick to my car and my plumbing, please...

I love you, Frank D Fixer. Just stick to my car and my plumbing, please…

I don’t talk about my neuropathy anymore,
because
every time I do, people line up to fix me with
medicinal or
herbal or
spiritual remedies
and I don’t want to be unkind to them.
I don’t pray over the neuropathy anymore.
Haven’t for a very long time.

I groan and grin and dance on it.
Dance for me isn’t a fix,
it’s rebellion and defiance
against the pain I live with
on multiple
levels.
You, my friend, must indeed
find a dance forward, for sure.
And it will come to you.
It may already be beckoning…
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2 Comments

Posted by on June 10, 2015 in haverings

 

Tags: , , , , ,

2 responses to “God save us from all fixers (if not from the fixes we’re in!)

  1. Jannifer Stoddard

    June 12, 2015 at 9:22 pm

    Fixers are the most common you will find. Because you don’t need perseverance to be one. It’s a very hands-off approach. Hands are on when you pray over someone, then hands are off because you can send them away. If they do not receive your prayers they they are not “spiritual” enough as many religious people conclude.

    On the other hand, it’s equally horrible when you are ignored and people don’t even try to reach out to you or pray for you. What nobody wants to do is sit with you while you are suffering and offer you waters of empathy, grace and patience. You will get judgment, correction and scolding. Or even nothing at all!

    It’s because everyone is plugged into the “cult of busy”. LIke the Matrix, everyone is plugged in. If you aren’t plugged in, something is wrong with you! In the cult of busy matrix, everything must come and go quickly. Your problem needs to go away quickly. Nobody is going to sit with you while you lament. If you aren’t fixed soon enough, you are to be left alone.

    Fixers are stressful to have around. I once had a friend a long time ago that had to fix every problem you had so it would go away. If I didn’t accept her remedy, she would get upset and scold. I learned that I could not talk to her about anything, because she would automatically go into fix mode. She couldn’t listen and extend grace or patience. Over time, this wore me down. Because I felt like I always had to be perfect and “fixed”. She moved away and the pressure left with her.

    Since fixers are performance driven, I am alert to whatever performance car they are driving. They have such a need for speed that you have to watch out for ended up in a crash with them or even get thrown out of their car altogether while it’s in full speed and end up injured and left alone by the side of the road they have you on.

     
  2. wordhaver

    June 13, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    “It’s equally horrible when you are ignored and people don’t even try to reach out to you or pray for you. What nobody wants to do is sit with you while you are suffering and offer you waters of empathy, grace and patience. You will get judgment, correction and scolding. Or even nothing at all!” Yes. Precisely this, Jannifer. Thanks for sharing your heart!

     

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