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ebenezer

20 Mar

Tell you a story?

Okay, I will.
But no stars or bears or pincers.ebenezer
No, rather a tale of rapid
descent
dropping
drooping
anemic
pagophagic
cancer growing
silent, deep, unseen
energy plummets
unplugged deep inside
bleeding out
floating on a sea of resignation
chasing cars around my head.

Holy
gates
are
everywhere.

The sea of resignation yields to
operating floors
incision
disemboweled
excision
reassembled
earthy faces
heavenly visitations
songs chanted in Elven tongues
soup lovingly ladled to dry lips
and a friend sticks closer than a
brother.

Recovery. Release.
But then
Re-admit.

Now nuked
dirty bombs
dirty dozen
drip
drip
drip
drip
death on a tree
accessed
deaccessed
repeat
ad nauseum
tomb
resurrection
endlessly chasing
each other
killing myself to
live.
maybe.

Holy gates.

How awful
this place
on the backside of death
I see the face of God.

And live.

There’s your story.

A year ago today I had surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from my small intestine that was causing me to bleed internally and was killing me. The surgery was the beginning of a path that would lead to twelve rounds of chemo, completed in October of 2012. I wanted to mark the day, and the journey, and had written something in prose, but it just wasn’t cutting it. Then I read the poem “demands” on a blog I recently began following – a poem demanding a story. Don’t know that this cuts it either, but it helped uncork the words and emotions better. Plus it was so much more fun. So here’s my poetic stone of remembrance, my ebenezer – and my appreciation and love to all who have stood in the gap for and with me this past year. Your love is far more potent than all the toxins that could ever be pumped into this or any system – and will remain with me long after the toxins have seeped out. I have no doubt about it – this is why I am still here.

ebenezer_2

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4 Comments

Posted by on March 20, 2013 in Poetry

 

Tags: , , , ,

4 responses to “ebenezer

  1. Gloria Houting

    March 20, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    Amen.

     
  2. shrinksarentcheap

    March 20, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    gorgeous…gorgeous suffering, gorgeous victory. thank you. thank you for being alive.

     
  3. wordhaver

    March 20, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    My pleasure! 🙂

     
  4. Jennifer Stuart

    March 27, 2013 at 4:23 am

    ❤ Love this. I've missed your poetry. Happy to be catching up now!

     

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