When the ramp falls

20 Mar


Okay, it’s a bit overly dramatic, but each time one of our kids has faced surgery and now that I’m once again facing a significant one myself in just a few hours, this is the scene that always comes to mind.

I love all the different ways the tension of approaching the beach is handled.

Trembling. Puking. Praying. Chewing. All of the above.

However you spend those moments before the ramp falls, the fact remains:

You are in a box moving inexorably to a destination chosen for you, and the ramp will fall.

Reminds me of what I’ve read was one of Lincoln’s last dreams: seeing himself on a certain vessel moving across a fog-shrouded sea to an uncertain shore.

I slept most of the day today. I think that’s all that’s missing in that landing craft – someone sleeping.

During my waking moments, I’ve wondered, “What should I be praying for?”

A successful surgery?

No cancer?

If cancer, let it be contained?

Is it just Hezekiah’s prayer – a desperate, tearful plea for more years in the land of the living?

Sometimes we need to be careful what we ask for.

As the ramp falls, oh for the grace to trust, with incisions and pain, diagnosis and prognosis.

Grace and trust. That’s what I’ve settled on.

The clear realization: I’m not piloting anything. What arrogance to think any of us is ever actually piloting anything. It’s His voice that shouts over us, “Clear the ramp, thirty seconds.” Don’t mistake this for fatalism. It’s just the reality of it. We are all carried by currents running more deeply than any can fathom towards uncertain shores that defy all our efforts at mapping them out. Two questions are impressed on me:

How are we treating our fellow travellers as we head towards the beach?

And when the ramp falls, am I ready to trust him with all outcomes?

See you on the beach.


Posted by on March 20, 2012 in musings



7 responses to “When the ramp falls

  1. Honor H Harris

    March 20, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Often don’t know what to pray at times either. I do know what this grain of sand” and countless other grains of sand of the beach with you would prefer: the healthiest longer life. What I am praying is for you to experience Papa’s love and presence with you on this specific beach during this specific time to the extent that grace and trust are side effects.

  2. Stephen Parker

    March 20, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    How well you put this. I don’t know what was scarier when it hit, the realization that I am not in charge – or the realization that for so many years I thought I was. I know what is scarier to me NOW…

    Thanks for sharing honestly your thoughts and feelings as you walk through this part of your life. It is greatly appreciated. I will just be praying for God’s will to be done…whatever that is.

  3. Heidi Tucker

    March 21, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    I pray Psalm 91 over you! Blessings!

  4. Marty Seghetti Kennedy

    March 22, 2012 at 3:18 am

    My prayers are with you and the family! Not sure how you He will use this but I pray it will be in a mighty way! Love you!

  5. wordhaver

    March 26, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Thank you, Honor – he did! He is! And Heidi – excellent choice. :o)

  6. wordhaver

    March 26, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Thank you Stephen! He is good! :o)

  7. wordhaver

    March 26, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Marty, I continue to be amazed at how I see him using this – just in me for starters! Thanks for your prayers! :o)


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